About

Hi. 

My name is Melanie. I am a teacher, singer, painter and aspiring ceramicist and pianist. I wish I spoke more languages fluently, had a culinary degree, knew how to garden and to dance professionally. Thanks to some generous souls who entrusted me with some pup portraits in April of 2020, and with the help of Julia Cameroon's "The Artist Way," I have spent the past year or so unlearning perfectionism to make room for a growth-oriented art practice. 

The "Messy Middle" of Messy Middle Art is derived from a phrase I heard in the art world called "the ugly middle" (thanks @laurelgreenfieldart) What is the messy or ugly middle? In a painting, it's that middle part of the process where everything looks askew. The colors aren't quite right, the shapes are questionable. It's the part that makes us want to give up, where insecurity sets in and our brains are shouting "You really thought you could do this?" In a fixed mindset, it's what you think is the end of the road. In actuality, you've reached the messy middle. Ugly is part of the process! This is where we get to problem-solve and play, where we learn to trust ourselves so we can get where we want to go. 

I see messy middles show up in my singing, in my teaching, in my wife-ing. The more messy middles I navigate, the more I trust that the results I am seeing in the moment are not my full potential. I am in process myself. I am learning and I am growing. Embracing messy middles has helped me suspend judgement and be kinder to myself in my process (I no longer cringe when I playback my voice lesson recordings and berate myself for not sounding like Barbara Streisand). I've created this account so that you can follow along on my messy middle journey. I hope it inspires you to embrace some messy middles of your own. 

  the place where your painting may get worse before it gets better. Where you are challenged to problem-solve, trust your gut and suspend judgment in order to keep going. Because the most important part is to keep showing up. 

Messy Middles are everywhere we go, in all the things we endeavor to be. They are tricky and frustrating, but messy middles challenge us to trust our gut, to problem solve and to be patient and gentle with ourselves and our work. We slowly learn to suspend judgement as we grow as learners, artists, educators, humans. 

For a formally fixed mindset, perfectionist lady like myself, navigating my way through ugly middles in watercolor has been transformative. Each time I make it out the other side of an ugly middle in painting, I learn to trust myself a bit more. I come up against ugly middles with less resistance and welcome the invitation to journey into the unknown. Ugly middles have helped me realize the importance of showing up, that growth is not linear, and to trust the process. 

It's that middle part of anything we do 

It's been filled with ups and downs and I'm incredibly grateful for the journey.

Messy Middle Art 

Welcome to Messy Middle Art, a documentation of my process growing as an artist and human. 

I first heard the term "messy middle" in the art world. It's that middle part in the painting process where everything starts to look a bit askew. The colors aren't quite right, the shapes are questionable. Should this area have more shading? Should I add another layer of blue? It's the part that makes us want to give up, where insecurity sets in and our brains are shouting "You really thought you could do this? This is hideous!" 

As an early childhood educator, I am an advocate for play and my own art is an extension of 

I dream of having my own art business one day and blending all my passions in some magical sort of way that serves to build community. I like people. I have a lot of aspirations and get overwhelmed by all the things I wish I could do and be. I am a dreamer. And I tend to get ahead of myself.  

Welcome to The Ugly Middle, a documentation of my process growing as an educator, an artist, and a human. 

I first heard the term "ugly middle" in the art world. It's that middle part in the painting process where everything starts to look a bit askew. The colors aren't quite right, the shapes are questionable. Should this area have more shading? Should I add another layer of blue? It's the part that makes us want to give up, where insecurity sets in and our brains are shouting "You really thought you could do this? This is hideous!" 

Ugly middles are messy and tricky and frustrating, but they are also crucial. Ugly middles challenge us to trust our gut, to problem solve and to be patient and gentle with ourselves and our work. We slowly learn to suspend judgement as we grow as learners, artists, educators, humans. For a formally fixed mindset, perfectionist lady like myself, navigating my way through ugly middles in watercolor has been transformative. Each time I make it out the other side of an ugly middle in painting, I learn to trust myself a bit more. I come up against ugly middles with less resistance and welcome the invitation to journey into the unknown. Ugly middles have helped me realize the importance of showing up, that growth is not linear, and to trust the process. 

I currently find myself in the ugly middle of my teaching journey. I'm five years into teaching. The first three years I taught kindergarten and first grade in DC public schools. The following year I worked in a private preschool in Boston. I currently teach a group of 8 kids ranging from 2.5-5 years old in someone's home due to the pandemic. 

My dream is to be a highly skilled, Reggio-inspired, play-based, child-led, wonder seeking educator expert. I want to be confident and experienced in my craft.  Not being where I want to be now is frustrating. I'm scared I won't know how to get there or if what I envision is even possible. It's a classic ugly middle riddled with self-doubt, insecurity, and fear.

However, I've navigated ugly middles before. And demystifying the ugly middles in the painting process has helped me approach my teaching ugly middle with a bit more patience and a bit more compassion for myself.

In this blog, you will find reflections from my classroom, issues I am wrestling with, and the ups and downs of being a novice teacher. I hope documenting my ugly middle inspires you to celebrate and embrace your own. 

Thanks for being here.

-Melanie